I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
