"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
