Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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