I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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