She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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