I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
