Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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