Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
