You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize