Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
