So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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