Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize