Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
