im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
This couple is walking their pig around campus
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
