Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
