From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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