Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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