got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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