She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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