It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
