I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
