he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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