I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
