I can text with my tongue
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
