The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
