Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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