shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Welp...herpes.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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