At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
