I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
