none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm always down for nudity.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
