just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
