thus making me awesome and them whores
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just had sex on a roof
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
