Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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