Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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