I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
