I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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