Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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