dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize