after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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