He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
