took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
