I need to stop coming to work sober
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
