so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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