Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
