you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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