SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
