I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
