The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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