ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize