So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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