every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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