Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
There's even glitter on my cock...
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