Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
