I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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