everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i've created a new STD.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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