Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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