This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
