I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
