Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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