Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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