so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
