i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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