Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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