i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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