Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
