she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
